i wish i could get back there
by madetohealxx
Summary: While they're in the portal, Erin wishes she could go back and fix things. She didn't really think the portal was listening though. (Written for Yuletide 2016)


_I can't lose her again, I can't, I can't._

Erin wasn't sure if she was going to be able to make it out of the portal with Abby, but she sure as hell wasn't leaving this thing without her best friend. It was bad enough that she had wasted nearly 20 years without her, but Erin was determined to spend the next 20 years and then at least the 20 after that with Abby.

Abby stared back at her, eyes wide, and then there was a _tug_ and they were tumbling back into something resembling reality. Erin came back to herself on the ground, staring down at some hideous brown utilitarian carpet. Her head shot up in a panic but she breathed in a sigh of relief when she realized Abby was standing only a few feet away, looking up and down the dimly lit hallway they'd ended up in as though it would reveal its secrets if she just looked at it right.

Abby reached down to give her a hand up, and Erin leaned on her gratefully. Erin squeezed her hand and felt the knot in her chest start to unravel when Abby squeezed back. "Are we dead?"

"If so, this is a really different afterlife than I was expecting." She let go of Erin's hand and walked a few steps down the hallway. "I feel like I've been here before though, but I can't place it!"

Abby trailed off as a young woman came out of one of the rooms and walked towards them. She was carrying a clipboard, looked harried, and didn't even pause when Abby tried to get her attention.

Erin shook her head. "Undergrads." Abby gave her a look, eyebrows raised. "What? Who else would be dressed like that while completely ignoring us? It's a miracle she wasn't on her phone too."

Abby snort-laughed, but followed the woman to the room she had disappeared into. "When did our old clothes become cool again anyway?" she called over her shoulder.

"Abby, I love you dearly, but your clothes were never cool."

"Says the woman with the world's tiniest bowtie."

"My clothes are very-" Erin stopped short as she ran into Abby. "Why are you stopping? Maybe she'll let us borrow her phone so we can get a ride back to the hotel."

Abby stood frozen in the doorway, blocking Erin's view. Erin could hear people talking in the room, but before she could get a look, Abby was turning her around and pushing her back down the hallway.

"What? Why? Abby!"

Abby shushed Erin and kept pushing until they were at the far end of the hall. "I know why this place looks so familiar," Abby hissed.

"Why are you whispering all of a sudden?"

"Because I don't want them to hear us! We have to get out of here."

"Well if you know where we are, then let's just go home. We can figure out why the portal spit us out here later, Patty and Holtzman are probably worried."

"Erin, you don't recognize-? Crap, crap, they're coming out!" Abby turned to face the wall and tried to drag Erin around with her, hiding from the women coming back out of the room in the least stealthy way possible, but Erin stared at them as they walked back to the room the first woman had come out of.

"Abby?" Erin was still staring at the students, but she tugged on Abby's sleeve as her voice rose in panic. "Abby? Abby!"

After the door closed, Abby turned back around but didn't say anything.

"Abby," Erin asked in her most freaking-out-but-pretending-to-be-calm voice, "how did you just come out of that room?"

"Of course you don't recognize it here," Abby said, more to herself than to Erin. "This day is getting better and better."

"Abby!"

Abby turned to look at Erin, her face not giving anything away. "The portal appears to have spit us out in 1997. This is the University of Michigan tv station, so _naturally_ you don't recognize it."

There was a beat while it clicked, then, "Mother _fucker_."

Abby paced up and down the hall, muttering to herself about time loops and how the portal might work and how to get back into it. When she finally noticed Erin just standing there, she stopped pacing and marched up to her. "You could try to help me figure this out, you know."

Erin took a deep breath. "I have an idea of how we got here." She paused again, turning the idea over in her mind.

Abby marched up to her, arms crossed. "I'm waiting."

Erin looked around the hallway again, a little guiltily this time. "When we were in the portal, after I grabbed you, I was thinking... This is stupid okay? I know that, but I was thinking 'I wish I had never left her the first time.' And here we are."

Abby grabbed her hand and squeezed. "Erin, that's sweet, but you couldn't have wished we would win the Nobel or to ban all men or, I don't know, just something reasonable?"

Erin looked down at their entwined hands. "How is any of that more reas- Why can I see through your hand?" She lifted Abby's hand and stared at the light coming through it.

Abby made a distressed noise but didn't pull her hand away.

"Maybe we only have so much time? To fix it?" Erin headed toward the doors leading out of the building, but Abby stopped her before she reached them.

"Erin, there's nothing to fix. You're back now! It's already fixed! Assuming we can get back to 2016, anyway."

"I know, but if I fix it _now_ then-"

"Then we might never have met Holtz or Patty! Besides, you never came to the tv station that day, and now you're starting to fade too. How would we even get to you, nevermind convince you to do the interview?"

Erin squeezed Abby's hand again and walked backward toward the doors. "I did though," she said with a smile.

"Did what? Erin, come on, let's just try to figure out how to get back in the portal and go home."

Erin pushed the doors open and a rush of warm summer air swept over them. "Came to the station! I didn't recognize the hallway because I didn't come inside, but I stared at the outside of the building for hours that day while I tried to convince myself one way or the other."

Abby grabbed at her again, but the transparency was spreading up her arms and she couldn't get a grip on Erin's sleeve. "Erin, things worked out. I was mad, I was mad and bitter and hurt for _years_ , but now you're back and we were _right_ and things are gonna be better. We're ghostbusters now! You can't go out there and mess with the timeline, you know that." She paused. "Besides, I think we're invisible."

Erin shook her head to all of Abby's arguments. "You and the other girl couldn't see us, because they're not why we're here. We're here for me, I know it."

"Erin wait, please, I'm begging you, this could change so much more than you know. What if we get into a fight during grad school? What if presenting our ideas too early burns us both out? What if you resent me for not letting you be a serious scientist? There are so many other variables, just please wait and think this through."

Erin shook her head again. "I know you're trying to keep me here until we both disappear back into the portal or wherever, but Abby, I've spent 20 years thinking about this day, and I'd rather be Ghost Girl than make this mistake again."

Abby moved between Erin and the doorway. "Erin, I said I _was_ angry, but I'm not anymore. You're my best friend, and I'm so happy to have you back. Yes, it sucked that we lost that time, but a do-over isn't gonna fix it, and it could just end up making it all worse, especially because we'll never have a reason to meet the others."

"Listen, I'll tell me to find the team, and we'll be okay, Abby, we'll be together. Of course we'll make it work out!" She tried to push past Abby, but even mostly gone Abby was a force to be reckoned with.

"It all **does** work out! Erin, don't do this, don't mess with the..." Abby trailed off as she disappeared with a slight pop, and Erin realized she only had a minute or so left before she was gone too.

Erin ran out the doors and skidded around the corner. She saw herself as she was nearly 20 years ago, wringing her hands, arguing with herself, and, god, why had she let Abby talk her into wearing so many turtlenecks? Erin started to call out to her younger self, but hesitated, really thinking about what Abby had said to her. Did she want to redo the last twenty years, or did she want a fresh start with her new family? She thought for a moment before smiling at her younger self, and then she was being tugged backward, there was a bright flash of light, and she was tumbling into the daylight.

With a laugh, Erin asked what year it was.

"It's 2040. Our president is a plant."

Erin turned to Abby with panic in her eyes. _Had they screwed it up after all? Were they going to bounce through different timeline until they got it right? What were they-_

"I'm kidding, you were gone two seconds."

Abby laughed and knocked shoulders with Erin. "We did it, huh?"

Erin leaned into her. "We all did it, together."


End file.
